Assalamualaikum and hi (^_^)
WELCOME to anyone who is currently reading this. I appreciate you for checking this post.
English is not my native but it really resonates with the way I want to express myself.
Today I’m going to write about a few reflections I’ve gotten so far in my life.
I’ve lived for 22 years now. Alhamdulillah. Allah SWT has given me so many opportunities to make my life better and I’m ever grateful to My Lord for those.
I’m going to start off as me before my father passed away.
The youngest me at that time really loved reading even though I didn’t understand some words and I loved to scan at the pictures in the book. My late father used to buy a lot of books for me and that one series I still remember until now is called, ‘Siri Salma’, a detective series. One day, I asked him to buy a book from that series but he ended up buying me a large book about blood instead. I guess.. he wanted me to become a doctor..
Anyway, let’s proceed..
When I was young, I also learned how to draw which was initiated by my sister. She was drawing Sailor Moon on a piece of paper and I tried to copy her drawing (which was a disaster of course) because of my interest in Sailor Moon anime at that time. Along the way, I improved my drawing little by little and I felt like I could express my feelings through drawing. Whatever feelings I had, I would express it through different set of face emotions.
That’s about how I developed myself.
But after my father passed away, things changed a lot. I was obsessed with entertainment and virtual world. I had a private life on the internet. I was in that world most of the time and I was totally disconnected to the real world. Worst of all, I wasn’t enjoying my high school moments at all. In fact, I felt so happy after I left high school. However, after receiving my SPM result, I felt sad because I had disappointed my mom and most importantly, myself.
So I decided to correct my past mistakes and study very hard in matrik.
One day, while studying, I happened to listen to Radio IKIM. There was a programme called ‘Mukmin Professional’ and from there, I got to know Ustaz Pahrol (he has the same birthday as mine~). He talked about the purpose of life. At that time, it hit me real hard because that’s what I’d always wanted to know. By Allah’s permission, I was guided to the right path.
I also had a few good friends I always spend time with. We always study together in Surau As-Sufi, do Jamaah prayers and chill out. It was a good feeling to get closer to Allah. However, at that time, I still had my virtual life and music/video games/anime obsession as part of my life even though I may have reduced it a bit.
And then comes the biggest life transition for me.
When I first entered university, I wasn’t very sociable. I was pretty reserved. Probably because I shut myself inside my virtual world for such a long time. Until at one point, I said to myself, “I can’t stay like this forever. I have to overcome my fear. I cannot be too shy anymore,” To be honest, being afraid and shy had hindered me from doing a lot of interesting stuffs.
Thus, I decided to be more friendly towards people. First, towards my roommate and then, towards my cubemates and coursemates. I also challenged myself to participate more in clubs and to answer questions during lectures. I felt so happy and alive to get in touch with people. Gradually, I lost my connection to virtual life and obsession towards entertainment.
However, I didn’t know much about real world at that time. I didn’t know there would be challenges and obstacles. Pain and suffering. I wasn’t ready for that. But I got through them and I’m glad. I’m a survivor and I thank Allah SWT for the strength He had given me.
The thing is, I had this idea that everyone would treat me nicely as long as I treat them the same way. I was wrong. There’s always the opposite of everything. Black and white, good and bad, love and hate, something like that. I can’t control it. It just happened. I think it’s how I react to them is the key and The Prophet SAW is the best example to follow when dealing with any kind of situations.
Furthermore, it’s really important to choose who I want to keep in my life. I’ve decided to keep only those who make me feel comfortable and happy with myself. Besides, it’s not a crime to be more reserved. I respect everyone and as much as I’d love to spend more time with them, I’m probably not going to get along very well with them.
The more I spend time with a person, the more I learn about him/her. If they affect me negatively, then it’s a good enough reason to keep myself away from them. But don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate them. I’m just being selective.
Anyway, I’m going through a lot of personal transitions lately and it’s just crazy.
My piece of advice to everyone out there; listen to your heart, mind and soul.
you get to know who you are,
what do you want,
what do you need,
where do you want to go in your life.
Truth to be told, I’ve never thought of that before. I spent too much time trying to prove something to the world. But now I realize, in order to lead a happier and brighter life, I need to connect deeper with myself.
Of course, it’s very important to connect with Allah SWT as well.
Okay guys, thanks for taking your time to read this. I didn’t include all of my personal stories here by the way.
Till next time, (^_^)