Assalamualaikum wbt (^_^)
First of all, I want to say, WELCOME to anyone who reads this. English is not my native but I’m just used to write in English since I’m 16 years old. I also love to read English storybooks and that’s how I fell in love with English language. It really resonates with the way I want to express myself.
Anyway, I’m going to write about a few reflections I have gotten so far in my life. I have lived for 22 years now. Alhamdulillah. Allah SWT has given me so many opportunities to make my life better and I am ever grateful to My Lord for those. So, I’m going to start off as me before my father passed away. The youngest me at that time really loved reading books even though I didn’t understand some words, I loved to look at pictures in the books and I also loved to help my aunt baking cookies~ I think that’s how I got my passion in baking haha. My late father used to buy lots of books which I still can remember until now. A detective series called Siri Salma.
After that, I sort of tried to read English books such as Sweet Valley series. I was also a subscriber of Majalah Asuh and Majalah Kuntum which through these magazines, I learnt a lot especially about how to become a good person and student.. I guess? Besides that, I also learnt how to draw which was initiated by my sister. She was drawing Sailor Moon at one time and I tried copying her drawing which was a disaster of course haha. Along the way, I improved my drawing and I feel like I could express my feelings through drawing. Whatever feelings I had at that time.. I would express it through different set of faces.
That’s about how I developed myself.. But after my father passed away, things changed a lot. I don’t know how it happened.. My mom wasn’t really paying attention to me I guess but it wasn’t her fault.. She had a rough time. I kind of strayed away from the path. I got obsessed a lot with entertainment and virtual world. I had a private life in the internet. I was in that world most of the time. I was totally disconnected to the real world. I wasn’t enjoying my high school moments. AT ALL. In fact, I was so glad I was outta there after it finished.
After ending high school and entering matriculation, another life transition happened. I focused on correcting my mistakes in the past and studied very hard. One day, while studying, I happened to listen to Radio IKIM which is still my favorite radio to listen to compared to FLY or HITZ or whatever I used to listen to in high school. So, there’s a programme called Mukmin Professional and that’s how I got to know Ustaz Pahrol. He has the same birthday as mine~
He talked about our purpose of life and at that time, it hit me real hard. Like, this is what I have always wanted to know and by Allah’s permission, I was guided to the right path. I had very good friends who I always spend time with. We always study together in Surau As-Sufi, do Jamaah prayers and just chilling out there. It was a good feeling to get closer to Allah SWT. However, I still had my virtual life and music/video games/anime obsession as part of my life at that time even though I may have reduced it a bit.
The biggest life transition for me is.. during my university life. I wasn’t a sociable person I have to admit. I was very reserved. Probably because I was in virtual world all the time. At that time, I was like, ‘I can’t stay like this forever. I have to overcome my fear. I cannot be too shy anymore. I hate that feeling.’ So I decided to give it a shot and be more friendly towards people. First of all, to my dear roommate of course and then it extends to cubemates and coursemates. I also challenged myself by involving more in clubs and participating in class. I felt so alive and happy to get in touch with people. Gradually, I lost my connection to virtual life and music/video games/anime obsession.
However, I didn’t know much about real world at that time. I didn’t know there would be challenges and obstacles.. Pain and suffering.. I wasn’t ready for that. But I got through them and I’m glad. I’m a survivor. I’m proud of myself and I thank Allah SWT for the strength He gave me. The thing here is, I had the idea that everyone will treat me nicely as long as I treat them the same way. I was wrong. There will always be the opposite of everything. Black and white, good and bad, love and hate, something like that. You can’t control it. It just happened. I think it’s how you react to them is the key and The Prophet SAW had shown us the best example to deal with any kind of situations.
I think it is really important to choose who you want to keep in your life. I have decided to keep only the people that make me feel happy and comfortable with myself. It’s not a crime to be more reserved, right? I can respect everyone but I probably cannot get along well with everyone. You see, the more time you spend with a person, the more you will learn about him/her. If he/she affects you negatively, it’s not a good reason to keep him/her in your circle. That’s why I can only love certain people (as friends) from far and not spend too much time with them. But don’t me wrong. I don’t hate them. I’m just selective. Very selective.
Anyhow, I’m going through a lot of personal transitions lately and it’s just crazy. I realize it’s very important to spend time with myself. My advice to everyone out there; listen to your heart, mind and soul. That way, you get to know who you are, what do you want, what do you need and where do you want to go in your life. I have never thought of this before. I spent too much time trying to prove something to the world and follow the flow but now I realize that in order to lead a happier and brighter life, I need to connect with myself deeper than other people. Of course, it is very important to connect with Allah SWT as well. When you get closer to Allah SWT, you will start being aware of yourself insya Allah.
Thanks for reading (^_^)